Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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