saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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