It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
