i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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