my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize