so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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