I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
