I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
