The maid of honor just puked.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
