She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love having hate sex.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
