I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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