I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
