Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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