There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
