There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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