you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
