This is not my ceiling
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
