Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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