I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Randomize
