he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
