there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
