I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
