Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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