Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
