You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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