I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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