I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
