After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
