My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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