Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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