and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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