it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
