remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
