Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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