Got a toothbrush?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
