Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
