I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
