Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
