The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
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She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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