I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize