just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
