Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
