That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
