well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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