This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
