so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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