I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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