2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Someone signed my nipple.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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