Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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