This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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