Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
