I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
