she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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