yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
