it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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