I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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