you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
