I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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