You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is Oprah even human
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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