take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
