The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
