I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
