I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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