now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
