Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
