Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
