just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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